PERFECT RELATIONSHIP?
On paper he seemed perfect…
I met him at church, we shared the same faith, the same values, the same interests. We made each other laugh. We got on well with each other’s families. 6 months in we were talking about getting engaged and I was envisaging myself joining the circle of shiny, happy Christian marriages I had been so inspired by and so longed for growing up. Then, all of a sudden, it fell apart.
It took a long time of crawling through the wreckage of hurt, blame, anger and confusion to realise that my whole view of Godly relationships needed a rethink. At first, I was angry at God – why had he allowed this relationship to happen if it was just going to end in hurt and humiliation? What was the point? But over time I began to realise a couple of very important things.
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires. Song of Songs 2v7
1. Those shiny, happy Christian marriages I thought I saw all around me? They don’t really exist. Now, don’t get me wrong – there are wonderful marriages out there and I am lucky enough to now be married to an incredible man. God made us humans in order to be in relationship with one another, whether it be marriage, family, friendships or colleagues. Relationship of any kind is a beautiful thing, but it is also hard work. I spent a lot of time during my 20s chasing after an ideal taken from misconceptions of what I saw around me, coupled with a slightly unhealthy obsession with 90s romantic comedies. I made love my idol without really understanding what it entailed. We are broken, imperfect people and no other human can heal our brokenness. Which leads me to point 2.
2. We can be guilty of searching in all the wrong places for love, fulfilment, happiness, affirmation etc. But God is right there with us the whole time! It’s so easy to get lost and distracted from the amazing plans He has for us. But the more we press into Him, the more we seek Him through His word and in our prayers, the more we ask for and follow His guidance in our daily lives, the more it becomes clear that God gives us everything we need. It’s not always easy, but it is simple.
Those who worship hollow gods, god-frauds,
walk away from their only true love.
But I’m worshiping you, God,
calling out in thanksgiving! Jonah 2v8-9
When I know I’ve been looking for the wrong things in the wrong places I often find myself turning to the story of Jonah for inspiration. In spite of some of the fantastical elements, it is such a human story. Jonah ran away from, became angry with and questioned God on a number of occasions. But God protected him and rescued him every time, because His plans for Jonah were bigger and better than Jonah could understand. And when Jonah trusted and did what God asked, more than 120,000 people were saved and came to faith. So whether you are married, in a relationship or single, make God your first love. Pursue Him wholeheartedly and see where He leads you!
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12v9-12
Written by Katy Allan - Diamonds Core Team